So the other day, I was on the bus on my way back home from university. At first, I was so tired I wanted to skip the 30-minute ride to home. I wanted to close my eyes and then open them only to find myself at home sweet home. But instead, thankfully, I had one of the most meaningful heart-to-heart conversations with a friend whom I genuinely love. We talked about insecurities, fears and life barriers.
After 20 years of living with my family and knowing many others, I came to the realization that we are who we are today because of our parents. As in the darkness in us has originated from our parents, mostly. If you’re a child of divorce, the darkness in you has probably originated from that. If your parents don’t get along well, the darkness in you has originated from that. If your family isn’t close, the darkness in you has originated from that. If there is a huge age difference between you and your parents, the darkness in you has originated from that. If your parents don’t see eye-to-eye with you, the darkness in you has originated from that. Even if all is good with your family, something so small and seemingly insignificant could originate a darkness in you. For example, I hate my nose so much because my parents set a standard for the perfect nose before I even learned about the standards of beauty. Sometimes I wish they never directed my attention to my nose, because maybe then I would have loved it, maybe now I wouldn’t be so insecure about how I look. See, something that small, a comment on my nose, resulted in me not feeling comfortable in my own skin! My point is; we’re easily more affected by our family than the people outside our home, because we see the raw version of our parents, adults, human beings. They affect us in one way or another! I have seen a divorced couple destroy their child; they confused him on both an emotional and a social level. This child till this day fails to communicate with his divorced parents, extended family or friends. This child even fails to communicate with his self, so he fails to amaze sometimes. I have seen parents’ harsh words crush their child’s confidence; the kind of words that will always be remembered by the child. I have seen parents not give their child any kind of responsibility even if they’re mature enough. So eventually, the child grows up feeling worthless, like there’s nothing he could do of value to them. Parents affect us in one way or another! The important thing now, is that we have to learn to grow out of that kind of darkness.
A few years ago, I hated myself; how I looked, who I was and how I lived my life. I couldn’t communicate with my parents, my friends or even with myself, so I built walls around me and shut everyone out. My days back then were me going to and coming back from school. I hated everyone there, and I hated the school days so, of course, the only happy thing about my day then was when I got back home. I spent my times at home in bed watching tv-shows and movies (that’s when I became a tv junkie). Movies were my escape back then. I lived on the happy endings, the love, the laughs and the good cries in a movie. I hated how dull my life was compared to movies. I was a very pessimistic and sad person for a 16-year-old. Until one day, something (which I cannot remember what it was exactly) motivated me to change. It motivated me to get to know myself and what I am capable of doing. It motivated me to learn how to love myself, to accept my flaws and work on the ones I can change. It motivated me to learn how to be happy; to enjoy the little moments in life and to listen more than to complain. To be honest, it took me years to see the difference between the dull version of past-me and the bright version of present-me. The difference is huge! My insecurities aren’t over, but they’re definitely less now.
To my surprise, life wasn’t just about accepting myself and becoming an optimist. Life was about getting out of my comfort zone as well. It was about getting out of my bubble and challenging myself. Life was about facing my fears, my worries and putting myself out there. Life was about doing things I believe I’m not capable of doing. Life is about experiencing new things. Life is about all that, for these, made me capable of spreading my wings and rise above.
I think what I’m trying to say is; not to let anyone, even your parents, hold you back from realizing how valuable you are. You should learn to know yourself; what you like, what you hate, what you can do, what you wish to do…etc. You should learn to accept your flaws and change the ones you can; your habits, your body, your lifestyle…etc. Most importantly, you should learn to love the flaws you cannot change; find a way to find the beauty in them. It is a tough one, but you’ll get there! (I am still struggling to do that, but when I do, it feels a lot better) You should care less about what people think and care more about what YOU think. You should not fear doing what you love; silence the judgments and break every obstacle in your way. You should learn to challenge yourself and never take a step back. You should learn to enjoy life; enjoy every day, every moment and the company of people.
Last but not least, I’d like to tell the friend whose talk inspired me to write this post that you’re beautiful inside out. I wish I were as beautiful as you are. I know you have it in you to become a great somebody, all you need is a push. So get out of your comfort zone and show the people how shiny you are on the inside. Dare to do something you fear! I am sure that when you do so, you will finally get to see how valuable you are. I hope that eventually you’d find yourself in a place where you initially feared the most (in a good way, haha). I love you.
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