The big college graduation – that’s a day that I never really gave much thought to. After all, you go through a gazillion years of education and it all comes down to this. You graduate. But, what now?! With a year hopefully left to my graduation and after all that supposedly well intentioned but mean spirited academic preparation that has left me scarred and bruised, like literally from paper cuts and an arched back from all the heavy lifting of a backpack full of hefty books that shouldn’t have been left to be carried by a physically and emotionally fragile kid such as myself, I can’t help but feel lost.
People keep telling me that college days are the best days of my life and that I’m going to want to go back shortly post-grad, which makes me really wonder if the future is actually that much more bleak that it’s worse than right now, because let me tell you I’m not having the time of my life. I’m always stressed, I can’t remember whether I took my epilepsy medication or not, and I don’t even have epilepsy, I just take it because it prevents my all day everyday migraines, I always miss the bus and take an Uber instead and I’m not sure my dad or his credit card are putting up with me that much longer, I can’t find the time to catch up on my TV show viewing which, if you know me, is basically giving up on life.
I don’t want to be one of those people who peaked in high school or college but even if, what kind of peak would that be?! That would be pretty unfortunate, because I haven’t achieved anything that remarkable, which is why I refuse to believe that this is it. It’s like teen dramas. TV shows such as Glee and 90210. They peak at a certain point when their characters graduate high school and they lose momentum. Well, I refuse to lose momentum like these shows. I refuse to get cancelled!
Remember when Gossip Girl was our one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan’s elite? It used to have this addictive, scandalous formula that only “Queen B” Waldorf and “It Girl” Van der Woodsen could keep up with. High school gave the show meaning. After graduation, there was evident decline.
Peak: Season 2
I watched this show so long ago. I must’ve been 10 or something. However, I was old enough to realize that Ephram was one of the saddest human beings on earth and things just kept escalating after graduation for both him and the show.
Peak: Season 3
In high school, each member of the West Bev clique knew where they stood. Annie was the fish out of water, Naomi was the bitch with a heart of gold, Silver was the cool bipolar chick and Adrianna was the pregnant drug addict who wanted to sing. It was all 90210rmal. After high school, however, Naomi became a divorcee, Silver became jobless with a cancer gene, Ade became a waitress and Annie became an escort who writes a bestselling novel about being an escort – a fancy synonym for prostitute. The word overdrawn comes to mind.
Peak: Season 3
The Glee club – or as I like to call it: the Gay, Lesbian and Everything Else club – took the high school transition like a cold slushy in the face. It started when season 4 saw a major drop as it kept shifting between Rachel in New York and the remaining students at McKinley High along with some new additions, including that sad girl that had the same name as the dog in Marley and Me.
Peak: Season 3
Look, real life is very different. I’m the farthest from wise, but one thing I learned is that more drama makes for a better TV show, but less drama leads to a healthier life. Regardless of all the TV talk, your future should always be in your hand. I refuse to believe that someone else can tell me where I’ll be ten years from now, because frankly I don’t know where I want to be two years from now.
I want to be a journalist and I hate being a journalist. I have to be an entertainment critic, but I don’t really want to. I want to write for TV, do movies, win an Oscar, heck, two, three, a bunch, but I don’t really know where to begin. My biggest fear is that I’m going to look back one day and realize that I haven’t fulfilled my full potential, that I’ll wake up and go to my normal job and sit behind a desk and know that deep down I did what I promised myself I would never do. It is all so confusing and honestly quite scary, but the only thing I’m sure of is that for now, I’m going to go take a long, purposeless, yet much needed, nap, and hopefully the puzzle will one day fit into place.